My Why: the beginning of WellServed

Go ahead, laugh. The idea of bringing wellness into hospitality seems like an impossible goal. But I am doing it, no matter what corporations spend their big money on the campaign on, and no matter how my hospitality friends may denounce their friendships with me. Being controversial and weird aren't news to me, and I am here to defy the status quo.

People asked me why. Well, when you have lived experiences that are so engraved in your body that affect how you live your life, how you persevere and how you are going to spend the rest of your life, it is your job to talk about it, it is your purpose in life so no one else has to live through it.

Growing up in Taiwan, our culture advocates finding the root cause, rather than just treating the symptoms. This mentality saved me one evening, March 2020, when I collapsed in my bathroom, alone, in a foreign country; the darkest thoughts emerged in my brain, and I was in shock that I had a moment of despair. The damage was not physical, however, it felt like my whole body had given up, the circuits in my body were lighting up causing me to hyperventilate and grasp for air. My heart was beating like thunder and lightning was ready to strike. I had a panic attack. Some may think no big deal, but it was much deeper than your nervous system giving up. In that sheer moment, I remember saying this to myself: “I cannot go through this again.” In that split second, I thought there was no way out of my suffering.

2020 marked the 17th year that I had lived in the United States. My career was roaring sky high, but my relationships were shit, like destructive, and my happy-go-lucky personality easily went dormant from time to time, for a longer period each time. The ever-curious mind started reading books about how to fix me, and the things I learned about myself were both enlightening and overwhelming, mostly overwhelming.

It was the information overload, and an earth-shattering break-up that put me to the ground on that fateful evening of despair. I thought with the books I was reading, the things I was learning and practicing (like affirmation and not trying to be perfect) I was "enlightened" and the grass should have already been greener sooner or later. But I felt so alone in this world, alone in this country (purely mind made, of course).

After I dusted myself up and slept for two days straight, and after embodying Dr. Joe Dispenza's meditation on breaking the habits of being myself...I became very aware: I had barely touched the surface, I had been only treating the symptoms. I found the root cause: after many years of stress related personal events (from my childhood in Taiwan to adulthood in the States), I was conditioned to live in fear. Fear of losing control, identity, reputation, love, worth. The base of this fear is my long presiding “normal” response to everything: stress & anxiety. I was addicted to suffering. How? Ask the military, first responders, ER doctors and my fellow hospitality veterans, your typical day for some people is extremely difficult but you feed off on that, why? We are addicted to stress. It is rewarding in the moments that you are recognized as calm and collected, but in the long term, is that even healthy for your heart, body, and soul? 

Can you also imagine what kind of damage these emotions, do to someone who did not grow up in the same country she is living in and trying to survive and trying to work harder so she can be someone's equal?

“Everybody goes through that” is exactly the problem. We normalize something that is causing many internal/external problems these days: stress-related chronic heart diseases, obesity, depression, eating disorder, separation, hatred, indifference, resentment, and the list goes on. Don’t we want to live wholeheartedly and joyfully? And that is my why. I went through it, so many don't have to.

I researched, practiced, and studied the cause, and non-medical solutions for anxiety and stress, all in the process of healing and finding the answers to my mental wellness. I realized I walked the walk and now I want to talk the talk. Stress, Anxiety, and depression have become our daily thought patterns, so how are we going to make changes, one day, and one person at a time?

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I was given a second chance at living.

And I will make it worth it.